There's Freedom in Dreams

I have a dream. My dream is that one day I will be completely free from my past. I dream that one day I will be completely free of fear, anxiety, doubt and worry. I believe there is freedom in dreams. I believe that when we think of our dreams it stirs hope in our hearts. I’m so thankful that with Christ our dreams can become a reality. It is only with Christ that we can live a fulfilled life. I’m so grateful that I gave my heart to Christ. I didn’t give my heart to Christ because I wanted something from him. I gave my heart to Christ because I finally understood that I was a sinner. I finally knew that I needed a savior. When I gave my heart to Christ I just fully understood how much I needed him. My walk with Christ has been such a blessing. Layer by layer my past has come off my hardened heart. Christ is still working on this heart of mine. I know that he always will but I believe eventually he will no longer need to pull back the layers of my past. I believe that together we can live in the present.

I dream of the present. I can almost feel a cold breeze touching my skin helping me to live in the moment. I believe there is freedom in living in the moment. Right now I feel free because I’m in the moment with you dear reader. I’m pouring my heart out to you hoping that something that you read here will touch your heart, and help you change for the better if you need to. I’m free when I write because I’m living in the moment. I love living in the moment, but I’m still working on how to do that. I can’t spend every day and every second writing.

So I need to know, how do you live in the moment?

What’s your dream?

What gives you hope?

Let’s try our best today, right now, to live in this moment, together.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

The Living Word is a Matter of the Heart

           Why is the living word a matter of the heart and not just a matter of words on paper in a book called the Bible? Because the word is alive and well. Jesus is the word and he breathes life on dry bones. How many of you feel thirsty in a dry land? How many of you know there’s something more out there even though you feel like you’re just missing it? Jesus is just a breath away dear reader. Call on him and he will be there in whatever circumstance you face. When I faced suicidal thoughts and despair Jesus plucked me out of the situation and helped me every step of the way. I went from my mind and heart being broken to being free from all that despair. I am now thriving at life. I spent a lot of my life just surviving day by day. Now I’m thriving in a career that I love that has benefits and retirement. I plan to retire from my career one day. I didn’t think I could thrive and it didn’t happen overnight. It happened one step at a time and one choice at a time. I chose life again and again. Sometimes I stumbled but Jesus was always right there to help me get to the next step. It’s like I was on shaky ground before, especially in my mind, but Jesus didn’t leave me the way he found me.

So too is he there for you, dear reader. He is looking to you to call out to him. He will reach down his hand and pull you out of your despair little by little until you look back at how far you’ve come and there will be a great chasm between you and who you used to be.

I feel like a whole new person. I love what my friend said. She said she compares me to who I used to be a year ago and that Amy is nowhere to be found. She doesn’t compare me to others, she compares me to who I used to be. It is a marvel to behold who I used to be compared with who I am now. I’m far better off now than I was a year ago. I’m getting stronger day by day and getting closer to the woman God called me to be.

If someone tried to convince me that Jesus wasn’t real I wouldn’t believe them. It’s not a matter of just the Bible. It’s a matter of the heart. I’ve seen Jesus at work in my heart and my life. I have changed from who I was. I still have challenges that I have to face. I am human after all. I struggle with anxiety, but God is helping me day by day to get through it. I have less anxiety now than I did before. I just believe that if I keep putting one foot in front of the other something good will be on the other side. It has to be. There has to be a brighter day, a better tomorrow. I believe a change of heart is coming my way because of my love for Jesus. The struggles that I face are real but I am never to face those struggles alone. Jesus is always with me. I love him so much and I’m so grateful that he’s been by my side in so many ways.

What about you, dear reader? Are you struggling to find meaning in what you’re going through? Jesus may not provide all the answers but he does embrace you with love, grace, and mercy. The living word is not a matter of the mind it’s a matter of the heart. Don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers, you can turn to the one who does. Are you struggling to believe that Jesus is real? Do you struggle with believing Jesus is there for you just like he’s there for me? What challenges are you facing today? You don’t have to say a big long drawn out prayer. You can just say Jesus, help me and he will. What is the condition of your heart in this moment? Are you feeling worn out or in despair? Just say help me, Jesus. He’s there truly. I’ve seen him at work in my life and I’ve seen him at work in the lives of others too.

What’s your matter of the heart?

Who are you longing to be?

Where do you long to be?

Are you in a situation that feels hopeless?

It’s not.

Hope is hand in hand with Jesus waiting for you to reach out and call on him.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Hard Won Victories

       A friend of mine said something that sparked a blog in me. She said victories are hard things aren’t they? It rang so true for me. Victories are so hard. I've had quite a few victories in my life, I feel like the victories I've achieved lately have been some of the hardest things. So many of the things I’ve been working on are things I've been struggling with for years, like getting new glasses. or going to the dentist. These have been some hard won victories that have been a long time coming. But I think the hardest thing about victories is it takes a lot of perseverance and so often we want things right now and most things in our lives don't come right away, but a little bit at a time. I think we can appreciate them even more that way.  Sometimes in the victory there are set backs and we stumble and fall. The most important thing is to not let it keep us down for long. Don’t give up. It's so important to get back up and keep striving forward.

      I know there is a huge breakthrough on the other side of all this hard work I've been doing. I know anxiety is not the end of my story. I know my story ends with me, anxiety free helping hundreds of women and maybe men to come to being set free from their anxiety or their struggles. But man is it hard to remember that when I'm in the midst of it. Yes, victories are hard things but so worth the endurance it takes to get there. I so want things to be easy, simple and comfortable. Sometimes we have moments like that but my friend said this life is a test of our character and God tests our character to prepare us for what comes next. Sometimes God makes us uncomfortable so we will make a change. I know so many things I wouldn't have changed if I had remained comfortable with them. There's something that burns within me to keep trying no matter how hard it is, no matter how many times I've failed, No matter how much I just want to give up sometimes I just keep trying and I hope I never lose that striving for something better. Striving to be better. Striving to be free from the burdens I am no longer able to bear.

      Let’s look at a victory in the bible. Let’s take a look at David and Goliath. I’m not going to include the scripture here because most people know the story of David and Goliath. So check out 1 Samuel 17 to read the story; it’s a good one.

      It wasn’t easy for David. First he had to ignore his brother who said David had an evil heart. Then he had to convince King Saul that he could face Goliath because he had faith that God would deliver them. Then he had to throw off the armor that the king put on him and take the weapon of his choice to the battle. It was a small thing that won him his victory and a mighty God. Also, it took courage for David to face Goliath and he faced him with faith in God. He even stated that God would deliver Goliath into his hand. David’s victory came as no surprise to David and it came not as others expected it would. They expected him to face Goliath with armor and a sword and he came at him with a sling and a stone. David’s victory came according to his personality, his faith, his strength and his God on his side. David couldn’t have had the victory by being some else he had to be himself. So often I think I need to be like someone else to be victorious but God gave me the personality, the strength, and the faith to tackle the challenges in my own way. Thank God that he gave us these things to battle challenges that we will face. Thank God we can be ourselves.

      Victories are hard things but worthy things. It’s not easy for me to get out of bed some mornings. For over a year I hit the snooze button every morning to get just a little more sleep. All it did was leave me lying in bed anxious about my day and what was to come. Grant it some days were fine but what I began to realize was the snooze button was unhealthy for me. It was unhealthy for my mental health. So for 53 days I’ve not hit the snooze button. I’ve had my setbacks and boy some mornings it’s hard to get out of bed, but this is a victory for me. 

Some victories come from small beginnings. 

Each victory begins with one step at a time and one choice at a time.

What’s your small step?

What’s your victory?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z.

Soar Higher

         So I love kids picture books. They are a simple fun way to get a quick pick me up when feeling down. I have quite a few favorites and I’ve been fortunate enough to have bought a few of those favorites. So I reached this goal. Since I became full time at my job I would hit the snooze button every morning and lay in bed for an extra hour feeling anxious about the day. I imagined it would help with the anxiety if I stopped hitting the snooze button and started getting up right when my alarm woke me up. So I started getting up right when my alarm went off. So how do these two things relate? Well I stopped hitting the snooze button for 31 days now. So to reward myself I went to Barnes and Noble to buy a kids book. The two books I wound up buying (yep couldn’t settle for one) were ones that I’ve wanted for awhile. These two books are great.

One called The Color Monster: A Pop-Up Book of Feelings by Anna LLenas. This is the best pop-up book I’ve ever seen (not that I’ve seen a lot) but I love the concept of a monster who has a variety of feelings and how he copes with all those different feelings. He winds up putting his feelings into bottles to set them apart because together he’s just a jumbled up mess of emotions. How many of you can relate to this? I get all jumbled up when the anxiety hits me or a maniac episode. We all have those days when our emotions are hard to get a handle on. I just love the way this book deals with it. Like I said, a fun and simple way to just release a little anxiety and have some fun. I just love reading.

The second book is called After the Fall: How Humpty Dumpty Got Back Up Again by Dan Santat. He has a book called Beeker: The Unimaginary Friend, which is how I stumbled unto this great writer. I also bought his book called Drawn Together that he wrote, which I will blog about another time. In this book Humpty Dumpty falls off the wall but the king’s men put him back together. After he’s put back together he’s afraid of heights. Since he’s afraid of heights he misses out on some of his favorite things, like watching the birds from the view of the wall. Or even his favorite cereal which is on the top shelf and he’d have to climb a ladder to get to it. Aren’t we so like this version of Humpty Dumpty? We fall down and we are afraid to get back up to the level we fell from. That is what happened to this Humpty Dumpty. 

I love what happens. He creates a paper airplane/bird and he’s happy again with this bird. Happier than he’s been in a long time and then disaster strikes it goes over the very wall he’s afraid to climb. So he’s faced with a decision: climb the wall or stay on the ground. So too are we faced with a decision: get back up and face our fears or lie dormant, not making any progress in our lives. I so hope that I will be like Humpty Dumpty who decided to climb the wall despite his fears. I so hope I continue to push against that wall of fear no matter what fear it is. I’ve pushed through a lot of fear in my life and I still have some fears to face. So here’s some lines from this book and yes I think you should read it but I’m gonna spoil the ending for you; how else can I make my point here? The following words are copyrighted by Dan Santat. So this is after Humpty Dumpty’s paper airplane/bird goes over the wall.

“I almost walked away again. But then I thought about all the time I’d spent working on my plane, and all the other things I’d missed. I decided I was going to climb that wall. But the higher I got, the more nervous I felt. I didn’t want to admit it: I was terrified. I didn’t look up. I didn’t look down. I just kept climbing. One step at a time…until I was no longer afraid. Maybe now you won’t think of me as that egg who was famous for falling. Hopefully, you’ll remember me as the egg who got back up…and learned how to fly.”

What I loved about this ending is that Humpty Dumpty the egg cracks and turns into a bird and flies.

We all can do what Humpty Dumpty did.

Face our fears and learn to fly no matter what life throws at us.

We can all face our fears, one step at a time.

War Cry

A war cry flows from the depths of me:

I am free.

 I will accept nothing less than freedom.

The war cry comes from the depths of me:

Anxiety, you have to flee in the name of Jesus.

Fear, you have to flee in the name of Jesus.

 Insecurity, you have to flee in the name of Jesus.

Lack, you have to flee in the name of Jesus.

Judgment, you have to flee in the name of Jesus. 

From the depths of me I cry, it is finished, it is done.

I’m through with the lies of the enemy.

I’m protected by the shield of faith from his fiery lies.

This war cry comes from the deepest depths of my soul, Charge!

 I run toward the lies with the sword of the Spirit.

It will divide the lies down to their very marrow.

The sword of truth cuts to the heart of every lie.

It rips it from its vessel and leaves a carcass with no power.

Lies, you’re dead to me.

I will no longer listen to anything that falls from your lips.

Fear, you’re dead to me.

I know who my Savior is. I know who I am.

Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.

For thou art with me.

Anxiety, you’re dead to me.

God has come through every single time you’ve seized me.

I’m done giving ear to the lie that tells me my Savior isn’t with me.

The lie that whispers you’ll never make it, you’re dead to me.

I’ve made it, again and again with Christ by my side every step of the way.

I will face each battle for I am not naïve to this war.

The war for my mind was waged and even though I went to the edge of my sanity I still came through victorious.

At the edge of my sanity, in the abyss Christ had his arms open wide because I am his and he is mine.  

This constant battle has not taken me by surprise.

I am a warrior for Christ and the attacks will come, but God will always be the victor in every battle.

Therefore, I will come out victorious.

Therefore, we will come out victorious.

What battle are you facing?

What’s your war cry?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Hands that Save

God

Palms

Strong Palms

Beautiful palms

Caring palms

Hands steady

Loving protective

Gatherer

Safe

Warm

Kind

Palms shape and form our lives

Jesus

Hands outstretched paid the price

Hands that showed the scars to the one who doubted

Hands that heal

Hands that love

Hands called forth Peter out of the boat

Hands that brought Peter out of the water

Hands that beckon to a calling

Hands that raised and said peace be still to the storm

Hands that pulled me up when I fell

Hands with an open embrace

Hands that gather his sheep

Hands that prayed to the father

Strong hands brought forth many out of oppression

God

Hands that pulled me up from the pit and set my feet upon a rock

Hands that shape and form who I’m becoming.

Me

Engraved on the palms of God’s hands

My weak hands stretched forth in faith

Hands that shoot upward in surrender

Hands that rise up in worship

Jesus

Hands that protect from danger and provide refuge

God

Hands that protect from the view I can’t handle, like God’s hand over Moses in the cleft of the rock, hands that shield me from seeing what would harm me.

Jesus

At the right hand of the Father

Righteous right hand stretched forth to protect, to comfort, to heal, to guide, to love, clean hands, holy hands

My hands

My hands touching my mother’s face

My hands hugging my sister

My hands raised in worship

My hands raised in praise

My hands raised in surrender

Lord use my hands to touch people’s lives for your kingdom.

God

None can stay his hand. Daniel 4:35

Once God’s hand is in it none can stop him

Beauty From Ashes

Beauty from ashes. This is so true I feel like I’m finally coming out of the ashes of broken dreams, of stagnation, of unrealistic expectations, of lies that said I’m not good enough, or I’m not worth it, or you’re going to fail. If we learn from every trial then how is that failure? Failure is lack of success, an unsuccessful person or thing. Synonyms are defeat, collapse and disappointment. Success is achievement of an aim or purposes. Synonyms are: triumph, thrive and make it.

                Well I associate with success and my life even looks successful. I had a goal to have the career I have and I have it. I am thriving, I’m doing really well, truly. I am beautiful and I have risen from the ashes of an unfulfilled life. I am not that shy, grief stricken, anxious, socially awkward, unloved, unloving hurt child. I am a woman who has achieved her dreams. I am a published writer, I have written a book about God and my testimony for his glory. I have made money writing, I made a living writing. I wanted to be in the career I have two years ago and now I have it. I wanted a BA in writing and I got it.

I am a go getter.

There’s no such thing as failure if you put yourself in a position to learn.

At this stage those ashes of my past blew away a long time ago in the wind of my success.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z