Walk out of the Pool of Bethesda

Dear reader, I went to a prayer meeting at my church. We pray for one hour over various issues. I almost didn’t go. I was driving home from work and I thought well I’m hungry or I’m tired. Then I realized I wasn’t really tired or hungry. I believe God reminded me that this prayer meeting was just what I’ve been looking for. I’ve wanted to fellowship with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I’ve been craving fellowship and there’s the opportunity for a little bit of fellowship, so I went.

During the closing prayer we were all standing in a circle and Pastor Paul said if anyone needs prayer come to the center of the circle. He also said if we felt led to pray for people in the circle to do so. I had no intention of going in the circle even though I struggle with anxiety. But then Pastor Paul said there’s a stirring of the waters and if you want a double dose of the Holy Spirit come forward. It reminded me of the pool of Bethesda in John chapter 5 where there was a pool that was stirred by an angel.

Now there is at Jerusalem by the sheep market a pool, which is called in the Hebrew tongue Bethesda, having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of impotent folk, of blind, halt, withered, waiting for the moving of the water. For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had. John 5:2-4

After hearing Pastor Paul say there was a stirring in the waters I didn’t hesitate I went forward. Several people prayed for me and part of the prayer was me letting go, which of course meant letting go of the anxiety and I did; I said I did.

On the way home I thought, step out of the pool of Bethesda. I thought to myself how am I going to lead a healed life. Part of it is walking out your healing. You get healed but that first step out of the pool takes courage and you have to walk out this life called a healed life. If I say I’m healed what’s stopping me from getting out of the pool? The word says:

          But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

I already have healing because Christ is who he says he is.

So when I have anxiety I overeat, I am an emotional eater. So after the prayer meeting I was going to go to del taco and order 2 carnitas burritos with extra cheese out of habit even though one burrito fills me up and I wasn’t anxious. I thought to myself if I was healed at the prayer meeting what does living a healed life look like? Dear reader, I don’t really know much about a healed from anxiety life, but I do know I need to step out of the pool of Bethesda and move toward my healing one step at a time, one choice at a time.

I didn’t go to del taco.

I didn’t overeat.

Victory.

One step at a time.

One choice at a time.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Fallen

Fallen from a pedestal of pride

I hit rock bottom, hard

That’s when I began to see the light of my Savior little by little

I made my way toward Him one step at a time

It took a long time to walk confidently sane

Wolves in sheep’s clothing tried to devour me

Chipping away at me until I began to crack

I tried to succumb to their lies but I couldn’t deny the truth at my very core

 That Jesus was more than the vengeful God they portrayed him to be

Man’s lies poured in

Legalism poured out

I became a shell of who I once was

I gave everything I had but I was never good enough

The false prophet wanted my very soul but wouldn’t take what I could give

I was attacked by the self-righteous

I hated myself, hated every bit of me.

I attacked myself every moment with the lies

Never thought I could be redeemed

But then dawn broke through

A psych ward, meds, family, friends and God pulled me out of the depths of despair.

He put my feet upon the rock of Jesus

Slowly the despair faded away

Slowly I began to see who I really was

My God this beautiful heart he put in my chest

It beats with love for my Savior, my Heavenly Father, my comforter

My God this wonderful life he has given me

My God that peace that surpasses all understanding

My God the freedom from the lies

My God that truth that pours in through His word

My God, my Savior, My King

I’ll never be insane again

I am in my right mind and I am free

What have you fallen from? 

What's the truth that sets you free?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Obedience: The Call out of our Comfort Zone

God’s been revealing some things about myself lately and I came to ask this question sitting in church one Sunday: What are you so afraid of? I sat through the first service, and during second service I got my answer: obedience. I’m afraid to be obedient to what God is telling me to do. Why? It means I’m not in control of my life. It means that I have to let someone else take the lead. It means that I have to follow Jesus’ lead, and I don’t even know where Jesus is going to take me. He didn’t tell me what our destination was he just said follow me. Therefore, I’m at a season in my life where I have to make a choice. Follow Jesus or live a mediocre life. So too did Jesus disciples have to make a choice when he called them to follow him. Four of his disciples were fishermen and Jesus literally called them out of their boat and said to follow him. The boat was their comfort zone. The boat was what they knew. They didn’t even know Jesus, they had never met him before yet still they got out of the boat and followed him. So too are we in a boat. 

My boat is anxiety and fear. God’s calling me out. I can step out of the boat. He’s not even asking me to walk on water. The boat is on the shore. The boat is not even doing what it was made to do which is float on the water. Much like my boat of anxiety and fear is stuck on the shore. Don’t get me wrong, there is a healthy amount of fear and anxiety. It’s our fight or flight response. However, this boat no longer serves me in the specifications for which it was called to do, which is to give me the right response when under a physical attack. Fear and anxiety well up in me in the mundane every day details of life. I believe a breakthrough is coming. I believe the Lord will set me free from unhealthy anxiety and fear. I believe at the heart of all this anxiety is rebellion. I’m shying away from being obedient to the Lord. However, God is showing me how important my obedience is. 

It’s important because my obedience is someone else’s breakthrough. So too your obedience is someone else’s breakthrough.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

1 Peter 5:8-10

One thing that struck me in the above verse was that the same afflictions are happening to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ throughout the world. So I think to myself if I can’t stand fast for my own well being can’t I do it for them? For I believe the Lord is telling me, stand fast, be strong, don’t stop, don’t give up. Why? Because your battle is someone else’s victory. Your battle strengthens you, makes you strong and when someone is going through the same battle you will encourage them. Don’t resist only for yourself. Resist for your friends, family, and the lost souls you’ll meet because God will use this for his glory, for your good and for their good.

Our Lord and Savior is calling us out of our boat into serving him. 

He calls us out of our comfort zone into his loving arms, into his kingdom, into his service and into being a light to those around us. He calls us out of the boat and allows us to walk on water. He calls us out of our comfort zone and he gives us exactly what we need to succeed in what he’s called us to do.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

We don’t know what it’s like outside of the boat with Jesus, but we don’t need to know each step. We just need to know the one that orders our steps. With each step he reveals the next and the next. 

We are only capable of handling one step at a time. 

We need live only in the current step we are on. 

We cannot live in the past, nor can we see into the future. 

But what we can do is live in the moment. 

Get out of the boat it’s time to walk with Jesus who paid it all. 

No matter what we face we are with the one who loves us most. 

We can trust him.

 What's your boat?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

What is a Living Testimony?

What does it mean to be a living testimony? It means we no longer belong to just ourselves we belong to Christ. We no longer speak just of ourselves and our accomplishments instead we speak of what Christ has done for us. What has Christ done? He has saved our very souls from judgment and cleansed us of our sin and he constantly intercedes for us with the Father. He is for us not against us. He died for our sins and rose again in victory with the keys to death and hell in his hands.

A living testimony is a retelling of a moment when heaven touched earth and touched our hearts. It’s that moment when we felt God move in our hearts and in our lives. It’s that moment when we set aside the sin that so easily besets us and felt the Lord move in our lives. It’s the moment when God spoke in his still small voice and we were actually listening and heard him speak. It’s the moment when we were still and knew that God was in charge of our lives. It’s the moment we put our faith in Christ and had a saving faith, believing that Christ died to save us from our sins and rose again and that he lives. It’s that moment when we realized we were a sinner in need of a Savior. It’s the moment when we did something kind for someone else and didn’t expect something in return.

It is when we speak that Christ is preached. Are we preaching of his love? Are we speaking of the way he’s come through for us?

Christ has come through for me in many ways. For one the fact that I have a job and have to get out of bed to go to work is a blessing from God. If I were given to my own devices I would lay in bed until noon and feel depressed because I stayed in bed too long. I am also blessed with a job that has a purpose. In my company we serve the community and our goal is to help others live better lives. There’s no better job for me. I can only have the strength to go to work each day with Christ by my side. If I tried to do a good job in my own effort I would fail. Thankfully I have Christ right beside me.

The word says we will “overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.” It is with our mouths that we confess Jesus as Lord of our lives. People are watching us and what they believe about you is what they will believe about Christ. What kind of living testimony are you? Do you honor Christ with your life? I know sometimes I do and sometimes I fall short. But I have given my heart to Christ and I love him and he loves me and it is because of that love that I am picked back up when I fall. I am comforted and I am given another chance and another day to try again.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto death. Revelation 12:11

The word of our testimony coupled with the power of Christ overcomes Satan. We, with the word of our testimony and with the authority of Christ, overcome the devil’s schemes. I haven’t read the above scripture in context before and they are speaking of overcoming the devil in this scripture.

             To be a living testimony means that we no longer place our faith in the things of this world that are supposed to make us happy. Instead we put our faith in Christ and we live because he lives. Our eternal destination is secure; heaven is our eternal home. Christ is worthy to be praised. Hallelujah for his sacrifice to save us. I want to speak more of Christ in my life and speak less about me.

How are you a living testimony?

Know that we all fall short. I have in no way arrived. My life ebbs and flows.

What’s your living testimony?

Share it with me.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Not Good Enough or More Than Enough?

                Dear Reader have you ever felt like you’re not good enough? Have these thoughts run through your mind? I’m not good enough for that job? I’m not good enough for that degree? I’m not good enough for that man? Have you ever said to yourself I deserve no better than this in a situation that you couldn’t get out of? Have you been in an abusive relationship and said I deserve no better than this? Have you been in a dead end job and thought you were not good enough for a different one? Have you felt like you’re not a good enough daughter, wife, sister, son, husband or brother?

                I struggle with not feeling good enough. I don’t think I deserve the amazing job I have because I feel someone else is better suited for it. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do but I wonder sometimes am I good enough? I struggle with thinking I could be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better girlfriend (when I’m dating). When do we ever get to that moment where we feel good enough?

                Can I share something with you? I was in a good situation where everything was flowing well. People were encouraging me, praising me and in the moment it blessed me. I even felt like I deserved the encouragement and praise I was receiving. However, when I got in my car to go home a fleeting thought passed through my mind. It’s not enough. Can I just deviate for a moment? Isn’t it like the enemy to come in with a fleeting though and keep on moving? So I thought about it for a moment and because I believed the encouragement and praise was a blessing from God, I realized that by feeling like what I had been given that day was not enough then I was telling God that he wasn’t enough.

                Whew, chew on that for a moment. Thinking that God is not good enough to fulfill our heart’s desires or give us what we need. I said to God, O Lord really? Am I saying you’re not good enough? Dear reader that’s exactly what I was saying. By saying the gift he had given me was not enough I was saying God wasn’t enough. So that floored me and I felt humbled in that I’m grateful God let me see that I felt that way. Have you ever been there? I definitely have.

                So God peeled back the layers on this whole idea that I’m not good enough. It stems from a fear of abandonment from childhood that abandonment led to people pleasing, which led to not feeling good enough for anyone or any position I find myself in to ultimately believing God is not good enough. That’s no where I want to be but I am there in the moment.

                So on the drive home I prayed about this and I got to this resolution: it is more than enough. The job I have is perfect for my personality it is more than enough. God calls me precious, beloved and loved, I am a child of God I am more than enough. God chose me for the specific purpose he has for me. God is way more than enough, he has provided for me my whole life, he breathed life into me. Jesus’ atoning sacrifice for my sins is way more than enough. The Holy Spirit residing inside of me, his soul with mine, is way more than enough. My family is more than enough. My friends are more than enough. The church I attend is more than enough.

                What if instead of saying I’m not good enough we said I am more than enough? Couldn’t our lives be changed?

                 Wouldn’t things turn around in our favor if we would just change our attitude and start speaking life and love into our own souls?

                   I encourage you to say out loud, I am more than enough, a very important person is listening as you say these words…YOU. You need to hear it for yourself. There is no one that can help your negative self-talk but you. I could give you all the encouragement in the world but if you don’t receive it you will not benefit from it.

                Dear readers I so want you to be free from any bondage in your life. So I will leave you with two scriptures to chew on:

                The second half of this scripture is always quoted, but it usually leaves out the first. I bet you’re familiar with the part that’s always quoted.

                Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

                One thing I realized about not feeling good enough is feeling like what I have is not good enough. Let me say that at a deeper level, it’s like we’re telling God what you have given me is not good enough Lord. I need something bigger, something better. Let me tell you if you are not a good steward over something small that you have it will not bless you to have something bigger. God gives us an increase when we are able to bear it.

                 And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9.

For more scripture to meditate on I encourage you to look at 2 Corinthians 12:7-11.

It is when we are humble that we receive the Lord’s greatest blessings.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Small Dreams

I heard a song called small dreams and it got me thinking about my dreams. It got me thinking about the dreams other people sometimes think we should have. Like the dream of getting married and having children. I do hope to one day find the man who is meant for me and either have children or adopt children but society told me to get married when I was 18 and it didn’t happen. I was a very shy young lady and didn’t actually start dating until I was 30. I have not wanted to marry any of the men I dated. So I’m waiting for God’s wisdom to come through on the man I should marry. I want it to be the man that will love me like Christ loved the church. I want it to be a man who loves the Lord with all his heart, mind and strength. I’m willing to wait for that man. I’m not willing to pick the man myself because I don’t value myself quite as much as I should, and I definitely don’t value myself as much as God values me. I am precious to the Lord, but sometimes I forget that and want to settle for a man that doesn’t value himself let alone value me.

A few years ago my small dream was to just have a job. I started out at the bottom position in this job. A year after that I was promoted. Now that small dream has blossomed into a calling on my life. I have been promoted again and there is no job out there that is better suited for me than this one. I come into contact with people of all ages and I can make a difference in their lives by shining the light of Christ in the workplace. I have in no way arrived dear readers. I have my struggles and I have my days and sometimes I even question if this is really a calling on my life, but then I remember that when I was reading my bible in 2015 I had a question come to mind. 

What are you born for? 

I said to myself what was Joseph born for? 

For the saving of many lives. 

What was Jesus born for? 

For the saving of many lives through salvation. 

What was Esther born for? 

For the saving of many lives. 

So as I was questioning what the people in the bible were born for I questioned what was I born for? 

I believe that the Lord spoke to me in that moment and I knew that I was born for the career I'm in. I'm surrounded by a lot of knowledge and I believe it is the right place for me. At that time, I was in a lower position than I am now, I didn’t know how far I would go in this career. I just knew that God had a purpose for me there. I didn’t start out wanting a career. This career started with the small dream of just having a job. I tell you that small dream has grown into a calling and a huge dream for me. I didn’t know that by having a small dream I was taking the first steps toward a career. I was 34 when I started working where I am now. That’s a little late in life to start a career. 

I’m so grateful to God that he took a small dream and made it into something so much bigger. 

And you know what? 

I 100% believe it is for the saving of many lives. 

What’s your small dream?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

It’s Never Too Late

         I don’t know if you all have noticed, some of you have I’m sure, but I’ve been wearing the same pair of glasses for 11 years. My old glasses even have a crack in the lens. I got my eyes checked in August of 2016 and that had been 9 years since I had my eyes checked. So I decided it was time to get new glasses. I had to go to the eye doctor. I had a stinky attitude about it. Since, I had my eyes checked in 2016, I didn’t want to get another check-up. I got to the office and they were playing Christian music, which put me in a better mood. The staff was very nice and the doctor was nice too. He said something profound when he asked if I could see through my old lenses. I said, “Yes.” He said, “We adapt to things sometimes that are not good for us.” How true is that? So after I left the doctor’s office I spontaneously erupted with joy and praise and started shouting, “We made it, we made it, victory, thank you Jesus!” I felt so elated because it had been something I didn’t want to do and it blessed me to do it.

I went to Target to order new glasses and my mom helped me pick some frames. The young lady who helped me was very nice and very helpful. So I got a new pair of glasses and a pair of prescription sunglasses for the cost of one pair of glasses. Today is day one of wearing my new glasses and things are more clear. I hadn’t realized I was kind of in a fog with my old lenses and of course my vision was skewed with a crack in the lens. So this is a victory for me. It might seem easy or even be easy for some but for me it was not easy. It took me years to get to this moment to be ready to let go of the past and step into my future. Also, getting these new glasses reminds me that I am a new creation in Christ. This reminds me of Paul and his letter to the Philippians.

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. Philippians 3:13

For me these new lenses are my forgetting things which are behind and reaching forth to things that are before me. It’s taking me one step at a time to let go of the old and allow the new in. Don’t miss this. I have to let go of the old to allow the new to come in. So too is it with our walk with Christ. We have to let go of old attitudes, behaviors, habits and grab on to the new life Christ has for us. Our new life includes having the Holy Spirit with us. The Holy Spirit brings the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance. These fruits help us let go of the old and grab onto the new.

So what resonates with me is it’s never too late with God.  It’s never too late to live your dream. This point really hit home with me. It hit my heart and resonated within me bringing me to tears. It’s never too late. Yes, I waited for 11 years to get new glasses, it’s never too late. Yes, I need to start taking better care of myself, it’s never too late. Yes, I want a better relationship with my dad, it’s never too late. Yes, I want a better relationship with my sister, it’s never too late. Yes, I want to spend more time in God’s word, it’s never too late. It’s never too late to spend more time with your family and friends. It’s never too late to start a blog. It’s never too late to start eating better. It’s never too late to encourage someone. It’s never too late for a second chance. I am not the 13-year-old girl that believed she had to get married and have kids in order to live a fulfilled life. It’s never too late my husband will come. It’s never too late my children will come. It’s never too late for peace. It’s never too late for a transformed life. It’s never too late to invite people to church. It’s never too late to follow that dream. It’s not too late for me and it’s not too late for you dear reader. It’s never too late to make a new friend. 

What’s your never too late? 

Share it with me. 

What have you been putting off doing? 

Who are you putting off seeing, calling or forgiving? 

It’s never too late. 

God is never too late.

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z.