Blood, Sweat and Tears

Dear readers, I’ve had quite the week my dears. I want to share this strong word with you. It blesses me each time I read it and I’ve read it a lot. I want to internalize this word. I want to be able to think of it whenever I need it most. I feel I need this reminder daily. Every day I need to know that I’m making a difference in this world. That who I am makes a difference in people’s lives, and in my own life as well.

My dear sweet elementary school friend Joy, came back into my life a couple years ago. I happened to see her at the place where she works. We talked for a bit and then I had to get going and she had to get back to work. I didn’t even think to get her phone number. It was raining that day. When I got to my car I prayed, “Lord please help me connect with Joy again and get her number.” I started driving away and who walks in front of my car but Joy in the rain, no umbrella, and a frown on her face. I rolled down my window and said, “Hey you want a ride.” She got in my car and we talked for a good hour and I got her phone number. So when I saw Joy this week, on my birthday what a treat, I gave her a great big hug goodbye. She said to me, “you know that day in the rain I felt like it was all falling down on me you brought him (Jesus) back into my life that day.” I almost cried when she said that to me. This is what I wrote in my journal after that. I remember that day, I hadn’t gotten Joy’s number and I prayed to God for me to connect with Joy again and she was walking right in front of my car. Answered prayer. Our hearts were open to him and each other that day.

It’s days like this that make the struggle worth it. It makes pushing through even more worthwhile. I won’t lie. It’s tough. But victories are hard things. They are hard because they are worth it. Some things can only be bought with blood, sweat and tears.

They are worth it.

I promise you.

Because once it is finished the result is priceless.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z.

Do you want to show up or be a no show?

Dear reader, I’m coming to you from a place of just being human. Some days I don’t think I can make it, but I make it because of Christ. Sometimes I’m anxious about going to work but I go anyway. Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed. I get out of bed anyway. There’s been something ingrained in me from a very young age to now. Even when I was bullied I showed up for school anyway. Even when I knew it was going to be hard I went anyway. I showed up for school. I showed up for job interviews. I showed up to drive on the freeway. Again and again I kept moving forward because I fully believe it is better to show up than be a no show. I show up for my life each day even when the days are hard. I would rather show up then be a no show. Jesus helps me show up for my life every day. I can’t make it on my own.

I so want to be free from all the worry that cycles through my mind every day. Some days it doesn’t stop. Some days I just want to give in to it but Jesus won’t let me. A knowledge of Christ won’t let me give up because I am an overcomer because Jesus lives in me and he’s an overcomer. I just want to say if you’ve been a no show in your life it’s never too late to start showing up. Don’t let the enemy win. Don’t let your discouragement win. Keep getting up. Keep moving forward. I promise you Jesus will not leave you. From experience I can say it was never as bad as I thought it was, once I started moving forward. I had created a mountain in my mind. A boulder of fear was an obstacle in my path. Once I started moving forward I saw the fear was merely a pebble in my shoe. Something I could step on and brush aside and move past. I promise you, you can move past what’s holding you back. It may look like it’s blocking your path but just keep on the paths of righteousness. That blockage has to leave in the name of Jesus.

I know that I am set free and one day I can just brush the worry aside. I have been able to do that it just creeps back up every now and then. It’s an old habit that I no longer want to give ear to. I no longer want to give the worry a foothold in my soul. God’s promises are so true. They are true for me and they are true for you. He promises never to leave us or forsake us. If God never leaves us, then why do we worry about what’s to come. He is right there beside us every single day. I just don’t know why I can’t keep that fact in my mind when the worry comes. Regardless I’m going so show up anyway.

What do you need to show up for this week?

What boulder is blocking your path?

Will you choose to let the fear win or will you keep going anyway?

What’s your personal mantra?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

No Action No Change

Dear reader, I’ve come to the realization that I want change without action. For example, I wrote a book called Set Free Through Christ Who Strengthens Me, I want a literary agent to pitch my book to a publisher. I have to write a query letter to send to an agent. I’m fully capable of writing the letter, but I haven’t yet. I have excuses like, I work full-time and don’t have the time. It’s not that I don’t have the time, it’s that I don’t make the time.

I can’t expect change without action.

I want change to come so I need to start taking action

How about you, dear reader?

What do you need to take action on today for change to come?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

What's Your Stone?

Dear Readers,

                How many of you have faced giants this week in your lives? Did these giants fall? I so want to come to you from a place of victory. I thought that going to the church encounter would cause my giants to fall. They haven’t fallen yet. But I believe I am one step closer to living a set free life. As each layer is pulled back, as I become more aware of what is weighing me down, I can shed the weight and leave the burden at the cross. I heard my pastor say once, what’s revealed is healed. So the encounter and the days leading up to it showed me the burdens that I bear. I’m not sure how to leave the burdens at the foot of the cross. It seems so easy. Just set it down, Amy. That’s what I keep telling myself but it’s like getting rid of an old heirloom. Something that you’ve been holding onto for years. I have a vice-like grip on anxiety even though it doesn’t do me any good. How do I leave it at the foot of the cross? How do you leave your vices at the foot of the cross?

                First of all, you need a resolve that says, giant I will no longer cower at the sound of your voice. Giant, I will no longer allow you to stand before me day after day telling me that my God doesn’t love me and won’t stick up for me. Secondly, recognize your giant. What do you dread each week? What is it that keeps you up at night? Thirdly, face your giant. You must stand before the giant and declare his defeat. For me, it would be saying this, anxiety you no longer have a place in my life, you have to flee in the name of Jesus. Lastly, pick up your stone. Your stone is what will make the giant fall. I don’t know what your stone is, but mine is the word of God. All week long when the anxiety comes I’ve been battling it with the word of God. My verse that really stuck with me and that I kept in my pocket all week was,

                The Lord will be your confidence and keep your foot from being caught. Proverbs 3:26 ESV

                I also pray a lot. When the anxiety comes I pray for the Lord to help me keep my focus on him. I do positive self-talk. I remind myself that the Lord calls me precious. I’ll tell myself no one is trying to hurt you, you are ok. I also try deep breathing sometimes. There’s many different things you can do to face the giants and make them fall. My giant is anxiety but I know that God is bigger than my anxiety. I just need daily reminders and to stay in God’s word to live a victorious life.

What’s your giant?

What’s your stone?

What is bigger than your God?

Who can defeat our God?

If God be for us who can be against us? Romans 8:31b

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Confidence in God

Hello dear readers! I went to an encounter at my church this week. There was a session called baptism in the Holy Spirit. Pastor Paul prayed for us to be baptized by the Holy Spirit. He told us to hold up our hands if we felt the Holy Spirit. I didn’t feel anything so I didn’t hold up my hands. I had felt an emotional block to some of the sessions that we had. Several people came over and prayed for me. I just had my eyes closed and just waited to feel something. I finally felt some emotions stirring when one of the ladies praying for me said to let it go. I’ve got to tell you dear readers, I was holding onto a lot that I didn’t know I was holding on to. Finally after several minutes of prayer I started crying. I wept from deep in my soul. I let go of all the emotions that I had held back. I let go of the anxiety, the worry, the fear. I fell out in the Spirit and just laid on the floor and just cried. Two of my dear sisters sat on each side of me holding my hand telling me to let it go and that it was ok and praying God’s peace over me.

So I thought that after all that I would feel peaceful, thankful, full of joy. I just feel normal. Feeling normal is great for me though. I don’t feel anxious which is awesome. I was writing in my journal about this and I told myself I’ll know if this is real and true on Monday morning when I wake up for work. If I have anxiety or if I feel normal. There was a scripture on the page I was writing on.

The Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught. Proverbs 3:26 ESV

This verse really speaks to me. God is with me. I can be confident in Him. I don’t have to consider what Monday will bring. I just have to put my faith in the Lord, that he will keep my foot from being caught in the snare of anxiety. I have truly let go of my past and all my hurts. The encounter cleansed me from unforgiveness, sin, anxiety and other things that I was holding onto that were not good for me.

So I feel like David. When he went to slay Goliath he had confidence in the Lord that He would be with him and deliver Goliath into his hands. David only needed a stone to defeat Goliath because God was with him. Therefore, I need only a stone to defeat those things that I let go from me picking them back up. My stone is the word of God. I will hold onto the scripture I mentioned because the Lord is my confidence.

What’s your stone?

What’s your giant?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

There's Freedom in Dreams

I have a dream. My dream is that one day I will be completely free from my past. I dream that one day I will be completely free of fear, anxiety, doubt and worry. I believe there is freedom in dreams. I believe that when we think of our dreams it stirs hope in our hearts. I’m so thankful that with Christ our dreams can become a reality. It is only with Christ that we can live a fulfilled life. I’m so grateful that I gave my heart to Christ. I didn’t give my heart to Christ because I wanted something from him. I gave my heart to Christ because I finally understood that I was a sinner. I finally knew that I needed a savior. When I gave my heart to Christ I just fully understood how much I needed him. My walk with Christ has been such a blessing. Layer by layer my past has come off my hardened heart. Christ is still working on this heart of mine. I know that he always will but I believe eventually he will no longer need to pull back the layers of my past. I believe that together we can live in the present.

I dream of the present. I can almost feel a cold breeze touching my skin helping me to live in the moment. I believe there is freedom in living in the moment. Right now I feel free because I’m in the moment with you dear reader. I’m pouring my heart out to you hoping that something that you read here will touch your heart, and help you change for the better if you need to. I’m free when I write because I’m living in the moment. I love living in the moment, but I’m still working on how to do that. I can’t spend every day and every second writing.

So I need to know, how do you live in the moment?

What’s your dream?

What gives you hope?

Let’s try our best today, right now, to live in this moment, together.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

The Living Word is a Matter of the Heart

           Why is the living word a matter of the heart and not just a matter of words on paper in a book called the Bible? Because the word is alive and well. Jesus is the word and he breathes life on dry bones. How many of you feel thirsty in a dry land? How many of you know there’s something more out there even though you feel like you’re just missing it? Jesus is just a breath away dear reader. Call on him and he will be there in whatever circumstance you face. When I faced suicidal thoughts and despair Jesus plucked me out of the situation and helped me every step of the way. I went from my mind and heart being broken to being free from all that despair. I am now thriving at life. I spent a lot of my life just surviving day by day. Now I’m thriving in a career that I love that has benefits and retirement. I plan to retire from my career one day. I didn’t think I could thrive and it didn’t happen overnight. It happened one step at a time and one choice at a time. I chose life again and again. Sometimes I stumbled but Jesus was always right there to help me get to the next step. It’s like I was on shaky ground before, especially in my mind, but Jesus didn’t leave me the way he found me.

So too is he there for you, dear reader. He is looking to you to call out to him. He will reach down his hand and pull you out of your despair little by little until you look back at how far you’ve come and there will be a great chasm between you and who you used to be.

I feel like a whole new person. I love what my friend said. She said she compares me to who I used to be a year ago and that Amy is nowhere to be found. She doesn’t compare me to others, she compares me to who I used to be. It is a marvel to behold who I used to be compared with who I am now. I’m far better off now than I was a year ago. I’m getting stronger day by day and getting closer to the woman God called me to be.

If someone tried to convince me that Jesus wasn’t real I wouldn’t believe them. It’s not a matter of just the Bible. It’s a matter of the heart. I’ve seen Jesus at work in my heart and my life. I have changed from who I was. I still have challenges that I have to face. I am human after all. I struggle with anxiety, but God is helping me day by day to get through it. I have less anxiety now than I did before. I just believe that if I keep putting one foot in front of the other something good will be on the other side. It has to be. There has to be a brighter day, a better tomorrow. I believe a change of heart is coming my way because of my love for Jesus. The struggles that I face are real but I am never to face those struggles alone. Jesus is always with me. I love him so much and I’m so grateful that he’s been by my side in so many ways.

What about you, dear reader? Are you struggling to find meaning in what you’re going through? Jesus may not provide all the answers but he does embrace you with love, grace, and mercy. The living word is not a matter of the mind it’s a matter of the heart. Don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers, you can turn to the one who does. Are you struggling to believe that Jesus is real? Do you struggle with believing Jesus is there for you just like he’s there for me? What challenges are you facing today? You don’t have to say a big long drawn out prayer. You can just say Jesus, help me and he will. What is the condition of your heart in this moment? Are you feeling worn out or in despair? Just say help me, Jesus. He’s there truly. I’ve seen him at work in my life and I’ve seen him at work in the lives of others too.

What’s your matter of the heart?

Who are you longing to be?

Where do you long to be?

Are you in a situation that feels hopeless?

It’s not.

Hope is hand in hand with Jesus waiting for you to reach out and call on him.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Hard Won Victories

       A friend of mine said something that sparked a blog in me. She said victories are hard things aren’t they? It rang so true for me. Victories are so hard. I've had quite a few victories in my life, I feel like the victories I've achieved lately have been some of the hardest things. So many of the things I’ve been working on are things I've been struggling with for years, like getting new glasses. or going to the dentist. These have been some hard won victories that have been a long time coming. But I think the hardest thing about victories is it takes a lot of perseverance and so often we want things right now and most things in our lives don't come right away, but a little bit at a time. I think we can appreciate them even more that way.  Sometimes in the victory there are set backs and we stumble and fall. The most important thing is to not let it keep us down for long. Don’t give up. It's so important to get back up and keep striving forward.

      I know there is a huge breakthrough on the other side of all this hard work I've been doing. I know anxiety is not the end of my story. I know my story ends with me, anxiety free helping hundreds of women and maybe men to come to being set free from their anxiety or their struggles. But man is it hard to remember that when I'm in the midst of it. Yes, victories are hard things but so worth the endurance it takes to get there. I so want things to be easy, simple and comfortable. Sometimes we have moments like that but my friend said this life is a test of our character and God tests our character to prepare us for what comes next. Sometimes God makes us uncomfortable so we will make a change. I know so many things I wouldn't have changed if I had remained comfortable with them. There's something that burns within me to keep trying no matter how hard it is, no matter how many times I've failed, No matter how much I just want to give up sometimes I just keep trying and I hope I never lose that striving for something better. Striving to be better. Striving to be free from the burdens I am no longer able to bear.

      Let’s look at a victory in the bible. Let’s take a look at David and Goliath. I’m not going to include the scripture here because most people know the story of David and Goliath. So check out 1 Samuel 17 to read the story; it’s a good one.

      It wasn’t easy for David. First he had to ignore his brother who said David had an evil heart. Then he had to convince King Saul that he could face Goliath because he had faith that God would deliver them. Then he had to throw off the armor that the king put on him and take the weapon of his choice to the battle. It was a small thing that won him his victory and a mighty God. Also, it took courage for David to face Goliath and he faced him with faith in God. He even stated that God would deliver Goliath into his hand. David’s victory came as no surprise to David and it came not as others expected it would. They expected him to face Goliath with armor and a sword and he came at him with a sling and a stone. David’s victory came according to his personality, his faith, his strength and his God on his side. David couldn’t have had the victory by being some else he had to be himself. So often I think I need to be like someone else to be victorious but God gave me the personality, the strength, and the faith to tackle the challenges in my own way. Thank God that he gave us these things to battle challenges that we will face. Thank God we can be ourselves.

      Victories are hard things but worthy things. It’s not easy for me to get out of bed some mornings. For over a year I hit the snooze button every morning to get just a little more sleep. All it did was leave me lying in bed anxious about my day and what was to come. Grant it some days were fine but what I began to realize was the snooze button was unhealthy for me. It was unhealthy for my mental health. So for 53 days I’ve not hit the snooze button. I’ve had my setbacks and boy some mornings it’s hard to get out of bed, but this is a victory for me. 

Some victories come from small beginnings. 

Each victory begins with one step at a time and one choice at a time.

What’s your small step?

What’s your victory?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z.

Soar Higher

         So I love kids picture books. They are a simple fun way to get a quick pick me up when feeling down. I have quite a few favorites and I’ve been fortunate enough to have bought a few of those favorites. So I reached this goal. Since I became full time at my job I would hit the snooze button every morning and lay in bed for an extra hour feeling anxious about the day. I imagined it would help with the anxiety if I stopped hitting the snooze button and started getting up right when my alarm woke me up. So I started getting up right when my alarm went off. So how do these two things relate? Well I stopped hitting the snooze button for 31 days now. So to reward myself I went to Barnes and Noble to buy a kids book. The two books I wound up buying (yep couldn’t settle for one) were ones that I’ve wanted for awhile. These two books are great.

One called The Color Monster: A Pop-Up Book of Feelings by Anna LLenas. This is the best pop-up book I’ve ever seen (not that I’ve seen a lot) but I love the concept of a monster who has a variety of feelings and how he copes with all those different feelings. He winds up putting his feelings into bottles to set them apart because together he’s just a jumbled up mess of emotions. How many of you can relate to this? I get all jumbled up when the anxiety hits me or a maniac episode. We all have those days when our emotions are hard to get a handle on. I just love the way this book deals with it. Like I said, a fun and simple way to just release a little anxiety and have some fun. I just love reading.

The second book is called After the Fall: How Humpty Dumpty Got Back Up Again by Dan Santat. He has a book called Beeker: The Unimaginary Friend, which is how I stumbled unto this great writer. I also bought his book called Drawn Together that he wrote, which I will blog about another time. In this book Humpty Dumpty falls off the wall but the king’s men put him back together. After he’s put back together he’s afraid of heights. Since he’s afraid of heights he misses out on some of his favorite things, like watching the birds from the view of the wall. Or even his favorite cereal which is on the top shelf and he’d have to climb a ladder to get to it. Aren’t we so like this version of Humpty Dumpty? We fall down and we are afraid to get back up to the level we fell from. That is what happened to this Humpty Dumpty. 

I love what happens. He creates a paper airplane/bird and he’s happy again with this bird. Happier than he’s been in a long time and then disaster strikes it goes over the very wall he’s afraid to climb. So he’s faced with a decision: climb the wall or stay on the ground. So too are we faced with a decision: get back up and face our fears or lie dormant, not making any progress in our lives. I so hope that I will be like Humpty Dumpty who decided to climb the wall despite his fears. I so hope I continue to push against that wall of fear no matter what fear it is. I’ve pushed through a lot of fear in my life and I still have some fears to face. So here’s some lines from this book and yes I think you should read it but I’m gonna spoil the ending for you; how else can I make my point here? The following words are copyrighted by Dan Santat. So this is after Humpty Dumpty’s paper airplane/bird goes over the wall.

“I almost walked away again. But then I thought about all the time I’d spent working on my plane, and all the other things I’d missed. I decided I was going to climb that wall. But the higher I got, the more nervous I felt. I didn’t want to admit it: I was terrified. I didn’t look up. I didn’t look down. I just kept climbing. One step at a time…until I was no longer afraid. Maybe now you won’t think of me as that egg who was famous for falling. Hopefully, you’ll remember me as the egg who got back up…and learned how to fly.”

What I loved about this ending is that Humpty Dumpty the egg cracks and turns into a bird and flies.

We all can do what Humpty Dumpty did.

Face our fears and learn to fly no matter what life throws at us.

We can all face our fears, one step at a time.

War Cry

A war cry flows from the depths of me:

I am free.

 I will accept nothing less than freedom.

The war cry comes from the depths of me:

Anxiety, you have to flee in the name of Jesus.

Fear, you have to flee in the name of Jesus.

 Insecurity, you have to flee in the name of Jesus.

Lack, you have to flee in the name of Jesus.

Judgment, you have to flee in the name of Jesus. 

From the depths of me I cry, it is finished, it is done.

I’m through with the lies of the enemy.

I’m protected by the shield of faith from his fiery lies.

This war cry comes from the deepest depths of my soul, Charge!

 I run toward the lies with the sword of the Spirit.

It will divide the lies down to their very marrow.

The sword of truth cuts to the heart of every lie.

It rips it from its vessel and leaves a carcass with no power.

Lies, you’re dead to me.

I will no longer listen to anything that falls from your lips.

Fear, you’re dead to me.

I know who my Savior is. I know who I am.

Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.

For thou art with me.

Anxiety, you’re dead to me.

God has come through every single time you’ve seized me.

I’m done giving ear to the lie that tells me my Savior isn’t with me.

The lie that whispers you’ll never make it, you’re dead to me.

I’ve made it, again and again with Christ by my side every step of the way.

I will face each battle for I am not naïve to this war.

The war for my mind was waged and even though I went to the edge of my sanity I still came through victorious.

At the edge of my sanity, in the abyss Christ had his arms open wide because I am his and he is mine.  

This constant battle has not taken me by surprise.

I am a warrior for Christ and the attacks will come, but God will always be the victor in every battle.

Therefore, I will come out victorious.

Therefore, we will come out victorious.

What battle are you facing?

What’s your war cry?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Hands that Save

God

Palms

Strong Palms

Beautiful palms

Caring palms

Hands steady

Loving protective

Gatherer

Safe

Warm

Kind

Palms shape and form our lives

Jesus

Hands outstretched paid the price

Hands that showed the scars to the one who doubted

Hands that heal

Hands that love

Hands called forth Peter out of the boat

Hands that brought Peter out of the water

Hands that beckon to a calling

Hands that raised and said peace be still to the storm

Hands that pulled me up when I fell

Hands with an open embrace

Hands that gather his sheep

Hands that prayed to the father

Strong hands brought forth many out of oppression

God

Hands that pulled me up from the pit and set my feet upon a rock

Hands that shape and form who I’m becoming.

Me

Engraved on the palms of God’s hands

My weak hands stretched forth in faith

Hands that shoot upward in surrender

Hands that rise up in worship

Jesus

Hands that protect from danger and provide refuge

God

Hands that protect from the view I can’t handle, like God’s hand over Moses in the cleft of the rock, hands that shield me from seeing what would harm me.

Jesus

At the right hand of the Father

Righteous right hand stretched forth to protect, to comfort, to heal, to guide, to love, clean hands, holy hands

My hands

My hands touching my mother’s face

My hands hugging my sister

My hands raised in worship

My hands raised in praise

My hands raised in surrender

Lord use my hands to touch people’s lives for your kingdom.

God

None can stay his hand. Daniel 4:35

Once God’s hand is in it none can stop him

Beauty From Ashes

Beauty from ashes. This is so true I feel like I’m finally coming out of the ashes of broken dreams, of stagnation, of unrealistic expectations, of lies that said I’m not good enough, or I’m not worth it, or you’re going to fail. If we learn from every trial then how is that failure? Failure is lack of success, an unsuccessful person or thing. Synonyms are defeat, collapse and disappointment. Success is achievement of an aim or purposes. Synonyms are: triumph, thrive and make it.

                Well I associate with success and my life even looks successful. I had a goal to have the career I have and I have it. I am thriving, I’m doing really well, truly. I am beautiful and I have risen from the ashes of an unfulfilled life. I am not that shy, grief stricken, anxious, socially awkward, unloved, unloving hurt child. I am a woman who has achieved her dreams. I am a published writer, I have written a book about God and my testimony for his glory. I have made money writing, I made a living writing. I wanted to be in the career I have two years ago and now I have it. I wanted a BA in writing and I got it.

I am a go getter.

There’s no such thing as failure if you put yourself in a position to learn.

At this stage those ashes of my past blew away a long time ago in the wind of my success.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Walk out of the Pool of Bethesda

Dear reader, I went to a prayer meeting at my church. We pray for one hour over various issues. I almost didn’t go. I was driving home from work and I thought well I’m hungry or I’m tired. Then I realized I wasn’t really tired or hungry. I believe God reminded me that this prayer meeting was just what I’ve been looking for. I’ve wanted to fellowship with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I’ve been craving fellowship and there’s the opportunity for a little bit of fellowship, so I went.

During the closing prayer we were all standing in a circle and Pastor Paul said if anyone needs prayer come to the center of the circle. He also said if we felt led to pray for people in the circle to do so. I had no intention of going in the circle even though I struggle with anxiety. But then Pastor Paul said there’s a stirring of the waters and if you want a double dose of the Holy Spirit come forward. It reminded me of the pool of Bethesda in John chapter 5 where there was a pool that was stirred by an angel.

Now there is at Jerusalem by the sheep market a pool, which is called in the Hebrew tongue Bethesda, having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of impotent folk, of blind, halt, withered, waiting for the moving of the water. For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had. John 5:2-4

After hearing Pastor Paul say there was a stirring in the waters I didn’t hesitate I went forward. Several people prayed for me and part of the prayer was me letting go, which of course meant letting go of the anxiety and I did; I said I did.

On the way home I thought, step out of the pool of Bethesda. I thought to myself how am I going to lead a healed life. Part of it is walking out your healing. You get healed but that first step out of the pool takes courage and you have to walk out this life called a healed life. If I say I’m healed what’s stopping me from getting out of the pool? The word says:

          But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

I already have healing because Christ is who he says he is.

So when I have anxiety I overeat, I am an emotional eater. So after the prayer meeting I was going to go to del taco and order 2 carnitas burritos with extra cheese out of habit even though one burrito fills me up and I wasn’t anxious. I thought to myself if I was healed at the prayer meeting what does living a healed life look like? Dear reader, I don’t really know much about a healed from anxiety life, but I do know I need to step out of the pool of Bethesda and move toward my healing one step at a time, one choice at a time.

I didn’t go to del taco.

I didn’t overeat.

Victory.

One step at a time.

One choice at a time.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Fallen

Fallen from a pedestal of pride

I hit rock bottom, hard

That’s when I began to see the light of my Savior little by little

I made my way toward Him one step at a time

It took a long time to walk confidently sane

Wolves in sheep’s clothing tried to devour me

Chipping away at me until I began to crack

I tried to succumb to their lies but I couldn’t deny the truth at my very core

 That Jesus was more than the vengeful God they portrayed him to be

Man’s lies poured in

Legalism poured out

I became a shell of who I once was

I gave everything I had but I was never good enough

The false prophet wanted my very soul but wouldn’t take what I could give

I was attacked by the self-righteous

I hated myself, hated every bit of me.

I attacked myself every moment with the lies

Never thought I could be redeemed

But then dawn broke through

A psych ward, meds, family, friends and God pulled me out of the depths of despair.

He put my feet upon the rock of Jesus

Slowly the despair faded away

Slowly I began to see who I really was

My God this beautiful heart he put in my chest

It beats with love for my Savior, my Heavenly Father, my comforter

My God this wonderful life he has given me

My God that peace that surpasses all understanding

My God the freedom from the lies

My God that truth that pours in through His word

My God, my Savior, My King

I’ll never be insane again

I am in my right mind and I am free

What have you fallen from? 

What's the truth that sets you free?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Obedience: The Call out of our Comfort Zone

God’s been revealing some things about myself lately and I came to ask this question sitting in church one Sunday: What are you so afraid of? I sat through the first service, and during second service I got my answer: obedience. I’m afraid to be obedient to what God is telling me to do. Why? It means I’m not in control of my life. It means that I have to let someone else take the lead. It means that I have to follow Jesus’ lead, and I don’t even know where Jesus is going to take me. He didn’t tell me what our destination was he just said follow me. Therefore, I’m at a season in my life where I have to make a choice. Follow Jesus or live a mediocre life. So too did Jesus disciples have to make a choice when he called them to follow him. Four of his disciples were fishermen and Jesus literally called them out of their boat and said to follow him. The boat was their comfort zone. The boat was what they knew. They didn’t even know Jesus, they had never met him before yet still they got out of the boat and followed him. So too are we in a boat. 

My boat is anxiety and fear. God’s calling me out. I can step out of the boat. He’s not even asking me to walk on water. The boat is on the shore. The boat is not even doing what it was made to do which is float on the water. Much like my boat of anxiety and fear is stuck on the shore. Don’t get me wrong, there is a healthy amount of fear and anxiety. It’s our fight or flight response. However, this boat no longer serves me in the specifications for which it was called to do, which is to give me the right response when under a physical attack. Fear and anxiety well up in me in the mundane every day details of life. I believe a breakthrough is coming. I believe the Lord will set me free from unhealthy anxiety and fear. I believe at the heart of all this anxiety is rebellion. I’m shying away from being obedient to the Lord. However, God is showing me how important my obedience is. 

It’s important because my obedience is someone else’s breakthrough. So too your obedience is someone else’s breakthrough.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

1 Peter 5:8-10

One thing that struck me in the above verse was that the same afflictions are happening to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ throughout the world. So I think to myself if I can’t stand fast for my own well being can’t I do it for them? For I believe the Lord is telling me, stand fast, be strong, don’t stop, don’t give up. Why? Because your battle is someone else’s victory. Your battle strengthens you, makes you strong and when someone is going through the same battle you will encourage them. Don’t resist only for yourself. Resist for your friends, family, and the lost souls you’ll meet because God will use this for his glory, for your good and for their good.

Our Lord and Savior is calling us out of our boat into serving him. 

He calls us out of our comfort zone into his loving arms, into his kingdom, into his service and into being a light to those around us. He calls us out of the boat and allows us to walk on water. He calls us out of our comfort zone and he gives us exactly what we need to succeed in what he’s called us to do.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

We don’t know what it’s like outside of the boat with Jesus, but we don’t need to know each step. We just need to know the one that orders our steps. With each step he reveals the next and the next. 

We are only capable of handling one step at a time. 

We need live only in the current step we are on. 

We cannot live in the past, nor can we see into the future. 

But what we can do is live in the moment. 

Get out of the boat it’s time to walk with Jesus who paid it all. 

No matter what we face we are with the one who loves us most. 

We can trust him.

 What's your boat?

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

What is a Living Testimony?

What does it mean to be a living testimony? It means we no longer belong to just ourselves we belong to Christ. We no longer speak just of ourselves and our accomplishments instead we speak of what Christ has done for us. What has Christ done? He has saved our very souls from judgment and cleansed us of our sin and he constantly intercedes for us with the Father. He is for us not against us. He died for our sins and rose again in victory with the keys to death and hell in his hands.

A living testimony is a retelling of a moment when heaven touched earth and touched our hearts. It’s that moment when we felt God move in our hearts and in our lives. It’s that moment when we set aside the sin that so easily besets us and felt the Lord move in our lives. It’s the moment when God spoke in his still small voice and we were actually listening and heard him speak. It’s the moment when we were still and knew that God was in charge of our lives. It’s the moment we put our faith in Christ and had a saving faith, believing that Christ died to save us from our sins and rose again and that he lives. It’s that moment when we realized we were a sinner in need of a Savior. It’s the moment when we did something kind for someone else and didn’t expect something in return.

It is when we speak that Christ is preached. Are we preaching of his love? Are we speaking of the way he’s come through for us?

Christ has come through for me in many ways. For one the fact that I have a job and have to get out of bed to go to work is a blessing from God. If I were given to my own devices I would lay in bed until noon and feel depressed because I stayed in bed too long. I am also blessed with a job that has a purpose. In my company we serve the community and our goal is to help others live better lives. There’s no better job for me. I can only have the strength to go to work each day with Christ by my side. If I tried to do a good job in my own effort I would fail. Thankfully I have Christ right beside me.

The word says we will “overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.” It is with our mouths that we confess Jesus as Lord of our lives. People are watching us and what they believe about you is what they will believe about Christ. What kind of living testimony are you? Do you honor Christ with your life? I know sometimes I do and sometimes I fall short. But I have given my heart to Christ and I love him and he loves me and it is because of that love that I am picked back up when I fall. I am comforted and I am given another chance and another day to try again.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto death. Revelation 12:11

The word of our testimony coupled with the power of Christ overcomes Satan. We, with the word of our testimony and with the authority of Christ, overcome the devil’s schemes. I haven’t read the above scripture in context before and they are speaking of overcoming the devil in this scripture.

             To be a living testimony means that we no longer place our faith in the things of this world that are supposed to make us happy. Instead we put our faith in Christ and we live because he lives. Our eternal destination is secure; heaven is our eternal home. Christ is worthy to be praised. Hallelujah for his sacrifice to save us. I want to speak more of Christ in my life and speak less about me.

How are you a living testimony?

Know that we all fall short. I have in no way arrived. My life ebbs and flows.

What’s your living testimony?

Share it with me.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z

Not Good Enough or More Than Enough?

                Dear Reader have you ever felt like you’re not good enough? Have these thoughts run through your mind? I’m not good enough for that job? I’m not good enough for that degree? I’m not good enough for that man? Have you ever said to yourself I deserve no better than this in a situation that you couldn’t get out of? Have you been in an abusive relationship and said I deserve no better than this? Have you been in a dead end job and thought you were not good enough for a different one? Have you felt like you’re not a good enough daughter, wife, sister, son, husband or brother?

                I struggle with not feeling good enough. I don’t think I deserve the amazing job I have because I feel someone else is better suited for it. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do but I wonder sometimes am I good enough? I struggle with thinking I could be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better girlfriend (when I’m dating). When do we ever get to that moment where we feel good enough?

                Can I share something with you? I was in a good situation where everything was flowing well. People were encouraging me, praising me and in the moment it blessed me. I even felt like I deserved the encouragement and praise I was receiving. However, when I got in my car to go home a fleeting thought passed through my mind. It’s not enough. Can I just deviate for a moment? Isn’t it like the enemy to come in with a fleeting though and keep on moving? So I thought about it for a moment and because I believed the encouragement and praise was a blessing from God, I realized that by feeling like what I had been given that day was not enough then I was telling God that he wasn’t enough.

                Whew, chew on that for a moment. Thinking that God is not good enough to fulfill our heart’s desires or give us what we need. I said to God, O Lord really? Am I saying you’re not good enough? Dear reader that’s exactly what I was saying. By saying the gift he had given me was not enough I was saying God wasn’t enough. So that floored me and I felt humbled in that I’m grateful God let me see that I felt that way. Have you ever been there? I definitely have.

                So God peeled back the layers on this whole idea that I’m not good enough. It stems from a fear of abandonment from childhood that abandonment led to people pleasing, which led to not feeling good enough for anyone or any position I find myself in to ultimately believing God is not good enough. That’s no where I want to be but I am there in the moment.

                So on the drive home I prayed about this and I got to this resolution: it is more than enough. The job I have is perfect for my personality it is more than enough. God calls me precious, beloved and loved, I am a child of God I am more than enough. God chose me for the specific purpose he has for me. God is way more than enough, he has provided for me my whole life, he breathed life into me. Jesus’ atoning sacrifice for my sins is way more than enough. The Holy Spirit residing inside of me, his soul with mine, is way more than enough. My family is more than enough. My friends are more than enough. The church I attend is more than enough.

                What if instead of saying I’m not good enough we said I am more than enough? Couldn’t our lives be changed?

                 Wouldn’t things turn around in our favor if we would just change our attitude and start speaking life and love into our own souls?

                   I encourage you to say out loud, I am more than enough, a very important person is listening as you say these words…YOU. You need to hear it for yourself. There is no one that can help your negative self-talk but you. I could give you all the encouragement in the world but if you don’t receive it you will not benefit from it.

                Dear readers I so want you to be free from any bondage in your life. So I will leave you with two scriptures to chew on:

                The second half of this scripture is always quoted, but it usually leaves out the first. I bet you’re familiar with the part that’s always quoted.

                Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

                One thing I realized about not feeling good enough is feeling like what I have is not good enough. Let me say that at a deeper level, it’s like we’re telling God what you have given me is not good enough Lord. I need something bigger, something better. Let me tell you if you are not a good steward over something small that you have it will not bless you to have something bigger. God gives us an increase when we are able to bear it.

                 And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9.

For more scripture to meditate on I encourage you to look at 2 Corinthians 12:7-11.

It is when we are humble that we receive the Lord’s greatest blessings.

Genuinely Yours,

Amy Z